Unreliably Yours

While researching for a paper for school, I came across this article. It stirred some of the gender/sexuality ponderings I have had as of late. Take it from the top, Penelope!!! You go Girl: Penelope Eckert in “The Matrix of Language”:

“Gender and gender roles are normatively reciprocal, and although men and women are supposed to be different from each other, this difference is expected to be a source of attraction. it is not a cultural norm for each working class individual to be paired up for life with a member of the middle class or for every Black person to be paired up with a White person. However, our traditional gender ideology dictates just this kind of relationship between men and women.”

Part Un: Dissolution of Your Gender Bullshit You Straight Lifted From Someone Else (You Ain’t Even Original Like That).

I have been thinking really hard about how the sexes relate to each other, gendered worlds, and “queerful”, non-defined worlds. Where is the line drawn between feminism and queerness? They both seek to defy boundaries and categorizations, unduly inflicted upon women, but also men. They seem to be the same thing to me, sometimes, even though there are straight feminists. (Gotta do a quick shout out to my straight, feminist, down ass homies!!)

When queer people, especially feminist, queer people wander out into the world, we have few obvious examples of people rebelling against gender roles, especially in relationships. I’ve seen way too many progressive/punk, queer or straight people who still have gendered relationships, and I’m like, FUHHHHCK THAT!! I’m sooo fucking over that, people! Even the slightest bit of gender role infected interaction makes me sick (with anger or indigested food, I’m not sure of what more yet!!)

Especially with straight boys, it seems like at the end of the day, you are expected to eventually revert back to gender roles once you’ve had your fun of “being equal”. When it’s not novel to insecure fuckers who don’t see it as a lifestyle, or mantra, and see it as a token mental masturbatory thought; when people really believe that these roles are normal; when someone always has to be the bitch, and someone the butch.

Can’t we be more holistic? Sheeit!!

Part Deux: How Am I Attracted To You????

I try to understand how I relate to the male body and how I relate to the female body. To the female mind and heart and the male version of such. It seems like, maybe since I didn’t really come out as early as I should have, or that I have mostly dated boys, that I have this limited, not-hetero-but-with-lots-of-weird-hetero- experience-therefore-quasi-hetero-mentality of how to relate to both sexes.

I don’t understand it-not subscribing to gender roles and all- but it’s not possible to relate to both the same way, even though I’m the same person!!! WTF?!

On the queer side, I have to take much into consideration: Self-consciousness, possible gender expression clashes (not being butch or femme, the right size, or race or the kind of girl someone demands); someone smooth and small and my size. I must understand the powerful nature of U-Haul relationship tendencies in women and how impossible it is to override that, until you find that one queer ho who will break your heart. Women don’t seem to want casual sex with other women. No obvious delineations of who is in charge (cause no one is), or definitive assumptions about what sex is to be had.

And on the straight side, I contend with the fact that boys are easy (which accounts for why I wind up with them more, less of a conscious choice to “lean that way”, more because of availability reasons), are stupid (in bed and in believing that they are “the man” of the relationship, and that I should just fall by the wayside into being some kind of submissive female), and are more rigid and stubborn about what sex they will have. AND they’re rougher AND ganglier, what with hanging appendages and other awkwardness.

I often don’t understand how my body, which I don’t think of as female when I’m alone, somehow transforms into a girl when in contrast to a boy, or just dissipates into wondrously new, but familiar territory with women. Sometimes I’ve been butchy in bed, with girls, mostly, since boys don’t let me do that with them, and I question the moral validity. But then I remember that old adage: “Relax, it’s just sex”.

AND NO-there is no explanation for that or most of why we do what we do sexually (Shoutout to an argument a friend and I had the other day).

So, as I leave work for the day, this humble fable comes to a close, with what?

No satisfaction, no answers, y nada.

¿Comprende?